We found the worst wines in the Calistoga.
During my years of visiting the Napa Valley, I have tasted some terrific wines and some cheap ones that only could be described as “drinkable” (hello, Sutter Home!), but never before we’ve had what I can only describe as undrinkable garbage. But I guess there is a first time for everything.
I hate writing these things down, because aside from the wines, we had a lovely experience at Tank Garage, and I love the premise of having a winery on a converted garage. But I guess that’s the problem with gimmicks, you only need one if the product yourself is not up to par.
From the outside, Tank Garage looks the part, with two sparkling clean 50-style gas pumps that match the look of the winery itself. For people still obsessed with 1950’s Americana – which I’m not but can appreciate from time to time -, this helps transport you into the area. At least, in the outside.
The inside is pretty cool as well, though I’m not sure it follows any particular theme. They have several tasting rooms, and we sat at the back one which lacks windows, and is thus pretty dark. It had more the atmosphere of a club, than a garage.
As is the case with other wineries, you do have to make reservations here – and the place was actually booked up when we arrived – someone walked in and couldn’t be seated.
Our table was ready when we got in. Obviously I’d let them know it was my husband’s birthday but now what his name was. Ooops. We did appreciate the gesture and the sense of humor, though.
We were given a menu with the wines available that day – both to taste and wine – though our server chose them for us. I wrote my notes on the menu, and then promptly forgot it, so I’m relying here on my very poor middle age memory. But in general, I can say that I felt all the wines we tasted were bad. Except for the first one, they all did get better once they were oxygenated – but that meant they reached two-buck-chuck quality.
As mentioned earlier, this is a gimmick winery. It specializes in eclectic blends, which seems more thrown together during a drug daze rather than thoughtfully thought about. It doesn’t seem like they ultimately care what they bottle. They only sell at the winery, which is not surprising.
The tasting of what I feel were about 5 wines was $30 – cheap by Napa Valley current standards – but we only had one, as Mike didn’t feel like drinking. He only tasted a couple of the wines here.
We started with Hella Fizz ($50), a pét-nat. These are wines that instead of having a double fermentation – on the barrel and in the bottle, as in the case of the ones we tasted at Mumm -, are bottled before their first fermentation. The result is supposed to be a light, soft fermentation and an easy to drink wine. Of course, it’s also a much less balanced, mature and sophisticated wine. Apparently, some pét-nat wines can be really good, but it’s clear that Tank Garage chooses this method because it’s much cheaper – though they price these wines as if they were fine champagne.
I found Hella Fizz to be extremely empty. There was nothing to it, barely a hint of grapes. If I had to choose between this one and André champagne, I think I’d go for the André.
It only went downhill from there. The wines we tried Camera Shy ($48), Crushed Hearts ($38), Talk Dirty to Me ($75) and possibly another one I can’t recall all suffered from the same issues. They were weak and practically undrinkable when first poured, and just barely drinkable when properly aerated. For the Crushed Hearts wine, the server lay the need for aeration (though, mind you, he didn’t mention it before we tasted it) on its “carbonic maceration” process, a process that has bunches of grapes sealed into a tank and pumped with CO2. But he did tell us the other wines wouldn’t need it, which was totally untrue. They do. If you are trying them, swirl them for a while before drinking them.
Despite the lackluster wines, we did have a very good time. The tasting was relaxed, our server was solicitous and charming, and the room was nice enough to hang out for a while. I wouldn’t go back, but I’m glad we tried it.
Tank Garage winery
1020 Foothill Blvd.
Calistoga, CA
(707) 942-8265
T-Th 10 AM - 5 PM
F-M 10 AM - 6 PM
The first winery I visited was 
I had their 2005 Novella Uno da Tavola ($20), their 2004 EOS Zinfandel ($18), their 2005 EOS Cabernet Sauvignong ($18 or $108 for a case), their 2005 Petite Sirah ($18) and their 2007 EOS Late Harvest Moscato ($22). In general I found the wines to be table quality. They appeared young and unsophisticated, lacking subtleties. None of them had even hints of oak (and I’m definitely an oak person). The Moscato was one of the lightest wines I’ve had. In all, I wasn’t happy with the wines and wouldn’t buy them even at half their price.
The small tasting room is located in a double-wide mobile home and lacks charm. They do sell a few products, mostly t-shirts and oils, which seem to be popular with women named Laura and their friends and relatives :-). The attendant was quite knowledgeable and charismatic, and she will continue working there under their new name. Tasting was $5, you get to keep the glass.
I was determined to visit five wineries on this trip – after all, taking 101 made our trip much longer and I wanted to make it be worth it – and I still had one to go to. 
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